Week 3 recap, AKA the DOOM INDEX
Doom Index
Welcome to my version of the Doom Index. To put it plainly, we are all doomed. The NFL is doomed, this league is doomed, Clay Matthews is definitely doomed, we are in a shit storm of doom. Now, some of us are less doomed than others, but just like the 49ers without Jimmy GQ, we are all doomed.
First, the less doomed (your LA Rams and KC Chiefs of the group): House of Hilton, starting off 3-0 riding the Rams’ and KC’s hot starts! But, let’s not get ahead of ourselves, Matthew is soooo doomed come playoffs time when LA and KC sit their starters for the final 4 games after going 12-0 to start the season and locking up homefield advantage. Matthew, good luck finding valuable assets on the waiver wire… oh wait, there are 8 teams in this league, I could drop everyone this week and pick up a whole new team while still being competitive… But that’s a rant for another day.
The some-what doomed (your steelers and patriots, we all know you’ll make the playoffs somehow): Kelly’s Flip Flopkins deservedly smacked around Alex’s 2018-2019 Seahawks. It makes sense since the Seahawks are doomed that Alex wanted to follow suit… As for Flip Flopkins, solid overall week even though Alex had no choice… Kelly could have made any roster choice minus benching his entire team and still would have won this week (basically, you could do no wrong). Rolls Royce Freeman Bitch slapping Brian, what’s new? Up and down the roster getting production, but leaving 18 points from Carson on the bench could be a blunder that costs you the week against a more seasoned opponent. Ochocinco Reborn Steam rolled by House of Hilton… yet to be seen how doomed Doug truly is, but if this is any indication, he will be in the definitely doomed section soon enough… Doug left 66 points on the bench and got a solid 0 from his kicker and a RB who didn’t play… I’d say he’s on vacation so that’s an excuse but let’s be honest, he would have made these terrible choices anyway. Scratch that, Ochocinco Reborn belongs in the Definitely Doomed section…
Definitely Doomed (the 49ers without Jimmy… The Seahawks if they continue to NOT draft O-linemen): I touchdown There… giving Kyle his first win… I truly belong here, no ifs, ands, or buts about it… Since my team is predominantly built around the demi-god Garoppolo who is now out with an ACL injury, it looks like the waiver wire will be my new best friend… To be honest, any move made from here on out will simply be to stay above .500 and away from playing Brian in the losers bowl… SuckMyHawk, KYLE wins his first game of the season behind strong RB performances!! Let’s see if this is the snowflake that starts an avalanche of winning or simply the one snowflake on top of the small snowman of wins… Kyle is doomed so it’s definitely the latter. Hold Ma Dick… losing again, seems sad but familiar for Brian this year. To be fair, his main upgrade would have been starting Kirk Cousins over Tom Brady for an extra 4.15 points… so he was going to lose no matter the coaching decisions… You are one step away from being in the next column my friend, your season is looking more and more doomed by the week.
Doomed beyond all belief (like drafting Jamarcus Russell or drafting a kicker in the 3rd round): Alex’s 2018-2019 Seahawks… seriously, your bench had .90 points combined… You should rename your team to the IR squad, or maybe This is my Redshirt Year, or Phoning it in this Year… Soooo doomed!!!
Welcome to my version of the Doom Index. To put it plainly, we are all doomed. The NFL is doomed, this league is doomed, Clay Matthews is definitely doomed, we are in a shit storm of doom. Now, some of us are less doomed than others, but just like the 49ers without Jimmy GQ, we are all doomed.
First, the less doomed (your LA Rams and KC Chiefs of the group): House of Hilton, starting off 3-0 riding the Rams’ and KC’s hot starts! But, let’s not get ahead of ourselves, Matthew is soooo doomed come playoffs time when LA and KC sit their starters for the final 4 games after going 12-0 to start the season and locking up homefield advantage. Matthew, good luck finding valuable assets on the waiver wire… oh wait, there are 8 teams in this league, I could drop everyone this week and pick up a whole new team while still being competitive… But that’s a rant for another day.
The some-what doomed (your steelers and patriots, we all know you’ll make the playoffs somehow): Kelly’s Flip Flopkins deservedly smacked around Alex’s 2018-2019 Seahawks. It makes sense since the Seahawks are doomed that Alex wanted to follow suit… As for Flip Flopkins, solid overall week even though Alex had no choice… Kelly could have made any roster choice minus benching his entire team and still would have won this week (basically, you could do no wrong). Rolls Royce Freeman Bitch slapping Brian, what’s new? Up and down the roster getting production, but leaving 18 points from Carson on the bench could be a blunder that costs you the week against a more seasoned opponent. Ochocinco Reborn Steam rolled by House of Hilton… yet to be seen how doomed Doug truly is, but if this is any indication, he will be in the definitely doomed section soon enough… Doug left 66 points on the bench and got a solid 0 from his kicker and a RB who didn’t play… I’d say he’s on vacation so that’s an excuse but let’s be honest, he would have made these terrible choices anyway. Scratch that, Ochocinco Reborn belongs in the Definitely Doomed section…
Definitely Doomed (the 49ers without Jimmy… The Seahawks if they continue to NOT draft O-linemen): I touchdown There… giving Kyle his first win… I truly belong here, no ifs, ands, or buts about it… Since my team is predominantly built around the demi-god Garoppolo who is now out with an ACL injury, it looks like the waiver wire will be my new best friend… To be honest, any move made from here on out will simply be to stay above .500 and away from playing Brian in the losers bowl… SuckMyHawk, KYLE wins his first game of the season behind strong RB performances!! Let’s see if this is the snowflake that starts an avalanche of winning or simply the one snowflake on top of the small snowman of wins… Kyle is doomed so it’s definitely the latter. Hold Ma Dick… losing again, seems sad but familiar for Brian this year. To be fair, his main upgrade would have been starting Kirk Cousins over Tom Brady for an extra 4.15 points… so he was going to lose no matter the coaching decisions… You are one step away from being in the next column my friend, your season is looking more and more doomed by the week.
Doomed beyond all belief (like drafting Jamarcus Russell or drafting a kicker in the 3rd round): Alex’s 2018-2019 Seahawks… seriously, your bench had .90 points combined… You should rename your team to the IR squad, or maybe This is my Redshirt Year, or Phoning it in this Year… Soooo doomed!!!
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