Week 10 Recap

Know What I Meme?

“God bless fantasy football. There are many things a man can do with his time… this is better than those things. – Pete from The League”

                                                 - Kelly Nemecek

These recaps have been fun and blessed be all! It’s my turn. Now, am I going to imagine a Monday in the life of Alex Moore? Pass. That’s what the camera is for. Am I going to compare us to recognizable movie monsters? Negative, Halloween is over. Stop wearing costumes, Brian! Or will I just discuss how ruined (aka Doomed) our seasons are from here…nope, as Nick already put it: that happened long ago…except for Matthew.

No, I will not be replicating previous posts, especially recent ones, because we, like much of America, have gotten too soft. We stopped with what is the essence of fantasy football: trash talking about something we have no control over. Basically, it’s like talking about the government or the next Fast & Furious movie.

Heck Ruxin says, “What’s the point of fantasy football if I can’t completely destroy and demean my friends?” I’m not skilled at either of those two things, so take the rest of this as a 1^st grade attempt at getting a drawing on the fridge.

With that, here are overused memes, stolen quotes, and terrible writing, all wrapped up in a bit of love sprinkled with a pinch of hate (and envy in some cases…not talking to you, Alex).

Final note: This week means nothing in terms of standings, so this whole post is technically worthless…

ENJOY!

Matthew

Fully represented here:

From (almost) last to first, and with 2 defenses on his roster! Matthew’s resurgence in Romosexual is an inspiration to us all, and by “all,” I’m looking at Kyle and B Fass. One day, maybe, in a different universe, you too can make it to the top. Use Matthew as a light of hope. For 9 of 10 games, he’s been the opposite of Doug: posting scores where you can hold your chin up and say “hey, I actually earned that victory!” Heck, he’s actually been more unlucky than lucky, because he’s lost twice! He should be ticked about those L’s (no, not an “L” for “Love,” Gordon!) because his opponents had to score almost 150 points to beat him. I wonder if Matthew is telling people in his other leagues about the Romosexual league? (Rhetorical question, you know he is!)

Here’s how good Matthew is: He’s taking the next month off…LITERALLY. He’s off in Fiji or wherever probably eating grapes off the vine on his lounge chair, and his lineup will be fine. Look at week 10: he leaves the hemisphere, and still smacks Doug back to week 3!

This is basically Matthew for the next 4 weeks:

Doug

My vision of Doug reading this:

Finally, you lost! Granted it’s to the best player with the best lineup. The funny part is, this wasn’t even your lowest scoring week of the season. No, that was one of your 3 games where you won by less than a point. Yahoo used to do this thing where in the weekly recap, it’d insultingly let you know how many other teams would have beaten you that week, and if that were the case this year, I think you’d average beating 3 people per week (that burn sounded worse in my head, but if you’re grumbling, then it still counts!). Whatever, like you care, you made playoffs, and this loss means NOTHING as you’re in sole possession of a bye week still.

This is Doug now:

Bowlsby

Hey, you guys know Bowlsby picked up James Conner? Not sure if you heard him the first 26 times he reminded you of that. Whatever, he still set one the highest scores this week, which doesn’t matter because he beat Brian. That’s like bragging you won an uphill race against someone afraid of slopes…they exist, guys! Also, in the name of Matthew’s 2018 draft, how the heck did Nick Chubb, the NFL’s 2018 winner for “Most Likely to Keep His Real Name in Porn,” score that much? But enough about Bowlsby winning (he’ll remind you of that on his own). Let’s talk about this trade proposal he sent me last week:

You’re going to give me a RB who has played 3 games and scored a TOTAL of 10 points for arguably the #1 WR in 2018?

Whatever, Fournette had a good week and will continue to do well because Bortles is Bortles. Now you have 4 good RBs. Have fun pick experiencing 1^st world problems and choosing between them.

Kelly

Here’s the season in a nutshell:

 - Trade away Kareem Hunt, a top 3 RB for two injured guys.

 - Pick up Aaron Jones and drop him because he wasn’t “doing anything for me.”

 - Ignore Julain Edelman on the waiver wire because “I have Gronk.”

 - Draft Jordan Howard, who can’t catch a cold in a desert..and won’t.

 - Thought Jordy Nelson and the Raiders would have a solid year.

I mention Doug is lucky, but then you look at my November: 2 wins because of the Saints. Banking on 1 team is a strong strategy for a playoff push, trust me. Proud moment this week because I beat a team literally called the Injury Report. Can I use the excuse that I’ve had the most points against? Yes, and I probably will in order to convince myself people like me. Oh wait, I play Matthew in week 11…

Nick

To be fair, Shane Falco would be a step up at QB. Nick honestly can’t be too angry with his results. He’s succumbed to the power of House Hilton twice, had 1 week that was the equivalent of the Bills smashing on the Vikings in week 3, and lost to Doug by 0.5 points….ok, you can be angry with that. Nick, the silent assassin, will saunter into the playoffs without anyone realizing he’s kept only 3 players from his original Draft. Although without Shawn here anymore to help Nick collude, I don’t know how far he’s getting.

Maybe Nick will at least try to one-up Doug and make the most moves. Quick, just do what Doug does and add/remove defenses daily!

Kyle

There are some guys who are lucky. Some who have off days. Then, there’s Kyle. The fact Kyle beat Matthew this year should be his Super Bowl. And hey, he had a win streak..when his opponents scored 81 points two week in a row…so that’s neat! And Kyle did use the #1 pick correctly while #2 continues to plaque our league year over year (but doesn’t #2 always plague us…#poopjoke). Somehow Kyle has pulled off 4 victories while starting a Jet, Brown, and Bengal not named AJ Green. This is the kind of outside-the-box thinking this league needs! Drew Carey gets it:

Brian

The good: Brian did not draft Gronk.

That’s it though.

Just looking at your roster, who did you draft? David Johnson? He’s still playing? How early did you take Kelce? At least you and Bowlsby can celebrate “We have targeted/reliable Tight Ends.’ That’d be a fun party where I would immediately “lose” my invite. Week 10 wasn’t granting you many favors as Bowlsby Chubbed all over you, but you still have twice as many wins as Alex. Stat of the day: You and Kyle have made the least moves in the league, so you’re saying your draft went REEEEEEEALLY well…

Alex

This is Alex’s year.

1 year after making the championship, while barely making any moves the whole season, and evern autodrafting, you decide, “hey, I can definitely winthe league if I draft without the help of a formula! I’m a genius!” Listen, no one can blame you with taking Bell at that haunted #2 spot, but everyone else...yea, that’s your fault. You took a kicker in a single digit round. That’s like taking a kicker in a single digit round! Do you think you’re the 2015 Bucs? That kicker got booted faster than Chip Kelly in San Francisco. My favorite part of the draft was after you took a QB in the 3^rd or 4^th round, you said:

Just saw you changed your name, so at least you’re admitting to poor strategy. Good call, Philip J. Schoonover, former CEO of Circuit City #realworldbusinessjoke.

Prediction for Alex’s draft next year: 2019 Strategy = 2017 Strategy

Good luck in week 11!